BEING AN EXPAT IN ISTANBUL CAN FEEL VERY LONEY SOMETIMES
16 million people, maybe even more, and somehow still very extremely lonely. That’s how Istanbul feels most times to me. Often I wonder if its because I am not a native. I do have other foreign friends, but somehow we all end up feeling the strong presence of loneliness in this beautiful city. The worst part for me is that I feel it especially when I’m outside. At some point, I told myself it was just homesickness. But thinking back to my home country, I realize I was always in my own bubble, always at home. I preferred being inside, but I never felt this lonely.
Honestly, I have a little idea of why… I could be wrong, but I hope I’m right. Drumroll… the culture here. There’s a lot of group culture. Maybe that’s not the suitable word to use, but what I mean is that everyone seems to belong somewhere. Rarely do you see someone at a café, a restaurant, or even a park alone. It’s always friends, family, or, the hardest part for me, couples. If you’re single or in a long-distance relationship or your family isn’t nearby, the city constantly reminds you that you are alone. There’s also the issue of language barrier. Maybe not shocking, but it sneaks in, making the loneliness sharper.
There are actually kind people here. I’ve met more kindness than bad. But the problem is being able to truly express what you want to say. Translation helps, but it’s never natural. That said, I’ve found myself in situations I regret because of loneliness, trying to be involved with people just because they were among the few I could communicate with. Even after learning the language to a reasonable degree, I still find the city a bit lonely. At the end of even an awesome day, I realize I’m alone. I don’t really belong anywhere.
Anyway, what I really want to say is this: if you ever feel immense loneliness know that you’re not alone in feeling that. In that loneliness, just don’t fall into situations you’ll regret. Stop and ask yourself if you’re doing something because of loneliness, or because it’s truly what you want. That’s all I wanted to share.